Our desire for long-term relationships with others is the psychological cement of human society. But those connections can also bring trouble. While friendships and family relationships present their own problems, creating a romantic relationship outside of the “honeymoon” phase can be very difficult.
If your relationship is not life-saving, trying to save it is a waste of time at best, and a serious threat to your mental and physical health at worst. Early observation of red flags can save you time and trouble, but also your sanity.
Read 5 signs that your relationship is too toxic for you to stay.
When it comes to big problems, your expectations are miles away
We enter into romantic relationships with a variety of ideas about issues ranging from which restaurants and how often to visit them, how we’ll split the bill, and whether we’ll stay or go out on the weekends. When your differences concern small issues, chances are you will resolve them. But it’s not always an option when it comes to big issues, like your political views, your views on gender equality in relationships, your views on monogamy, and your preferences regarding marriage, pets, children, and where to live. Let us mention just a few.
If you’re miles away when it comes to big problems, then you probably don’t match each other. Indeed, your relationship is most likely already on the wrong track.
Your expectations or your partner’s expectations are completely grotesque.
Needless to say, not all of our expectations are reasonable. Some are outright grotesque. To expect your partner to pick up the bill every time you go out to dinner, even though you both make good money, is silly.
So, expect your partner to stop spending nights with friends or will insist that they join you in clearly immoral pursuits or activities that will make them feel uncomfortable. If you are the one with unreasonable relationship expectations, you can expect a transitional breakup. If, on the other hand, it’s your partner whose expectations are grotesque, get out while you still can.
There is no mutual and strong enough desire to promote mutual interests
In healthy romantic relationships, both parties have a mutual, strong desire to promote interest in each other. That means you’re both willing to sacrifice yourself for what’s best for the other person.
For example, when your partner is sick and really needs you around, you cancel going out with friends at night, even though you’ve been looking forward to it for weeks. It is, of course, a two-way street. If one of you doesn’t want to sacrifice for the other, then you should really call it that.
You don’t trust your partner or your partner doesn’t trust you
Mutual trust is needed. True trust is not limited to a particular situation or event. Confidence that your partner will show up at the coffee shop where you arranged an after-work meeting but don’t trust him or her in many other respects is not real trust.
True trust is unlimited. That doesn’t mean you have to trust someone who isn’t reliable. Instead, in a healthy relationship, each person deserves the trust of the other. If there is a trust issue in your relationship, then one or both of you are unreliable. One or both of you have a problem trusting others, even trusted others, perhaps because of past betrayal.
If you are the one who has problems with trust or reliability, you have a lot of work to do. If your partner is in the wrong department, this is not a relationship you should stay in.
You don’t respect your partner or your partner doesn’t respect you
Disrespect is the number one killer in relationships. So, if you and your partner do not have mutual respect, your relationship is in a dark state and probably will not continue, but more importantly, you should not Disrespect the other person is looking at them, accepting that she is inferior to herself.
A relationship based on this type of asymmetry in perceived status is severely toxic. Whether you are the one who lacks respect for your partner or your partner has no respect for you, do the right thing and end the relationship.
Also read: How to build a healthy relationship